My exam week rant
I hate this constant feeling of choking, the feeling that i’m barely making it. I haven’t done anything but study all week. It feels like it’s coming to an end, but I know I will be studying my ass off for AP Art History tomorrow…and the AP Biology exam tomorrow is just a lost cause. I feel like i’ve gotten an A on every exam so far, but there is no way to be sure. I almost wonder what would happen if I was just one of those kids who didn’t care. I almost wish I was, because then this week would just be like last week, but better because I got out early. Or maybe if I did bad things. Maybe if I smoked weed or something and got rid of my anxiety…but no i’m doing things the hard way. I’m toughing life out sober. I’m not cheating on any exams, i’m studying for seven to eight hours every night. I wish I was a bad kid, who didn’t care about college or school in general. I wish I cared about my clothes, my hair, what concerts i’m going to, but I lose more of that everyday. Anxiety always asks for more…and so does this screwed up school system.
Listen to Obama! Teach with creativity not to the test! Then I wouldn’t have to memorize 200 things just to look good on an application a year from now.
The thing is…
I talk funny, I give everyone’s voice the same sound. I run funny, I think I try too hard to not look funny now, and that makes me look funnier. I kind of waddle when I walk, i’m so concerned with slipping at every step that I sorta give up on looking cool. I’m apparently a bad driver, two accidents and I keep the gas at the last quarter of the tank. But you know, I’ve got something that makes me luckier than most people. I’ve got something that makes me really happy and a better person. That is Reed Murray. He makes the good days perfect, and the bad days better. He’s taught me how to let things go, and let people be who they are. He’s taught me what a good, healthy relationship is. He’s taught me how to love without holding anything back, and for that I am the luckiest, most fortunate person I know. And all y’all bitches can hate on that and make fun of it, but he’s what makes me happy and what makes me feel special, and lately it seems as though everyone wants to pick on me. But it’s okay, cause I got Reed, and I know that’s more than what most people can say.
I love you Reed, and I just wanna float away on our lily pad.
